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[04 Jun 2004|03:45pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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Update on the real life situation:
Grandma is worse then ever
Talking to my mom yesterday, my other grandma broke down crying on the phone the other day because my grandpa probably has about six or less months to live
Dad got results back after some x-rays. On a scale of 1-10 on the severeness of his cancer (10 being the worst) he’s an 8. And the fact he’s not that young it will spread very fast.
And oh yeah, my boyfriend may be cheating on me.
Shoot me.
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[22 May 2004|09:45am] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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music |
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Frou Frou- Let Go |
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I’ve become a hermit yet again. From pretty much both real and cyber world.
I know life isn’t fair, but this is just a little too much to handle in a couple of months. Everyone in my family is getting sick. And it’s horrible to say, but I’m just pondering who the first one to go will be.
My only alive Grandpa hasn’t been well for a couple of years. Except the past couple of months I keep getting calls from my mother saying, “Oh, by the way, your Grandpa is in the hospital again.” It’s so casual, from both our sides. Oh, my Grandpa is in the hospital again. Wonder how he is?
My Grandma on my Dad’s side had a heart attack about a month ago. It wasn’t supposed to be such a big deal, the heart attack was pretty mild. Except I believe she is 90 years old and its not going over well for her. My dad went to New York, where she lives, to check up on her. She’s completely defenseless and has really only one friend that can pretty much help her. For example, worrying about the hospital bills she was considering selling her year 2000 car. For $1000.
Add on the fact that she has no memory whatsoever from the sounds of it. She kept wondering why my dad was in New York.
Those two don’t bother me so much. Both are old and I realize ‘Hey we all die.’ Mean, yes. But I’m just trying to put a realistic side on why all of this is happening. Then I got a call from my mother last night.
Turns out my dad has prostate cancer. It still sounds so weird to say. They’ve been keeping this from me until he got test results back. Got them last night and it was positive. Doctors are going to remove his prostate and then he has to go in for radiation and all of that. Details are still pretty sketchy. They caught it pretty early, but they could have got it sooner. That was just the last straw. Right now I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, “WHY ME!?” or “MY DAD DOESN’T DESERVE TO GET CANCER!” I don’t know what to say except It’s not fair. No one deserves to get cancer, but this is my dad. Now it’s a real serious issue. Something that I never thought I’d have to deal with.
To get all of this out of my system I haven’t cried. I haven’t talked to anyone about this, possibly why I’m writing this out now. To get it all out of my system. In all honesty I’m just trying to ignore all of this. Pretty much through the boyfriend Jeff. He knows something’s up but he hasn’t asked anything. He’s just comforting me in the only way I’m really accepting it in real life right now, through sex. Wrong yes, but that’s the only thing that I think will work right now. Brian Kinney’s Pain Management. At least its not with anonymous strangers.
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[24 Apr 2004|07:55pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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I think I can sue Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, specifically Mr. Food and Wine guy himself, Ted Allen. Quote from an episode
“Left over pizza? Skip the microwave. Go straight to the skillet over medium heat and keep that crisp crust crunch.”
It may just be me and my lack of great cooking skills, but I wouldn’t try that piece of advice if I were you. Tried it tonight, wrecked the pan and the heating pad I put said pan on. And the pizza was gross. Curse you Mr. Ted Allen!
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[24 Apr 2004|06:50pm] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
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Finally got to see the first episode this season of QAF. No Showtime for Tina so unfortunately have to wait until the episodes are online. The long download was worth and to save from the ungodly amounts of fangirl love I could spout, let me just say this: Brian and Justin luuuuv each other!
And why yes, I am a dork.
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[09 Apr 2004|11:07am] |
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mood |
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 sick |
] |
I've been fighting this sickness for the past week or so. Last night, sickness had enough and decided to kick my ass in our little fight. Voice is squeaking, beyond sore throat, the whole nine yards. Blah.
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[08 Apr 2004|11:39pm] |
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mood |
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 energetic |
] |
Turning on the TV and seeing a commercial for an upcoming special about QAF and being extremely excited about it- perfectly normal for me
Actually jumping up and down because I’m so excited- a little fangirly, but we’ll still go with fairly normal
Actually jumping up and down because I”m so excited and forgetting that I’m at a party at a friend’s place and not in the comfort of my own place- said people a little beyond freaked out.
That was yesterday. So tonight, I had my tv all set and ready to record, when boyfriend decides to call and tell me he’s coming over. (FYI, Kevin no longer. RL is still taking over... well my life. New boy is Jeff. New and improved!) Tina mad. Tina knows she won’t be able to watch, so Tina is about to stop talking in third person and watch her tape.
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[28 Mar 2004|02:37pm] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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music |
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Nirvana- Polly |
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In a moment of me actually being serious, what does this song mean to you? Actually reading the lines seems to give off a different emotion then if you just listen to it. But I'm not quite sure what it is that I feel, so I'm hoping someone out there will share what they feel...
Playground Love
by Air
I'm a high school lover
and you're my favorite flavor
Love is all
all my soul
You're my Playground Love
Yet my hands are shaking
I feel my body reeling
times no matter
I'm on fire
On the playground, love
You're the piece of gold
that flashes on my soul
Extra time
on the ground
You're my Playground Love
Anytime, anywhere,
You're my Playground Love.
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[21 Mar 2004|09:22pm] |
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mood |
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 irate |
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America has absolutely no values anymore when it comes to television.
While watching the Simpsons tonight, there was a commercial for yet another wonderful Fox reality show. It’s called the Swan. Basically, average looking people are judged by plastic surgeons who will preform the operations on them. Where they will later be judged on who is now the prettiest.
Not joking. here is the link.
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[12 Mar 2004|10:15pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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Spoon- Believing is Art |
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Just got done talking to my brother. Possibly the last time for about a year or so. Right now, I really hate Bush, Iraq and everything else. I know he’s going to be just fine, he’s amazing at his job; but I just don’t like the fact he going to be so far away. And for such a long time. I can always write to him, but really that doesn’t cut it for me. I’d rather talk to my brother. Which is sort of ironic since the phonecall was nothing but silence for half the time. I mean, what really can I say? “So is Heather (his wife) prepared? Got all your stuff packed? Ready to head to Iraq for God knows how long?”
*big sigh* I fucking hate Bush. So. Much.
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[29 Feb 2004|09:26pm] |
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mood |
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 peaceful |
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Three major things that happened today. And by major things I mean completely pointless.
1) It’s Leap Day! That’s what you call February 29th, right? Well, it’s not March right now, it’s a day that only happens ever four years. This makes me happy for some unknown reason.
2) Oscar night! I would be watching it right now except I’d rather see the really hyped up categories. So currently I’m just checking online on how my choices compare to those of the academy. So far it’s 4/6, but right now is the really obvious/bland categories.
3) Girl Scout Cookies came today! Cooookies! Boxes upon boxes of cookies that will be gone in a week or so. But they’re so good it doesn’t matter. Mmmmm...
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[28 Feb 2004|11:35pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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If I were even slightly drunk right now, I'd be singing My Sharona at the top of my lungs right now. Rediscovered it tonight, and I forgot how much this song rocks.
Ehh, I really don't even need to be drunk right now
Never gonna stop give it up such a dirty mind
Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind
My my my my my WHOA
MY MY MY MY SHARONA!
MY MY MY MY SHARONA!!!
I'm such a dork.
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[28 Feb 2004|10:34pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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The trials and tribulations for being a girl...
Today I cried and couldn’t stop. That’s not really the bad part, it was why I was crying for about 5 minutes straight. For the first time ever I saw Big when it was on FX this afternoon. At the end when Tom Hanks and that chick are in the car talking I could not stop crying. *slams head on desk*
It’s time to party, PMS is here.
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[25 Feb 2004|04:08pm] |
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mood |
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 hyper |
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music |
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Jimi Hendrix- Purple Haze |
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Big Hello to Raijahn!! QAF Luuuv! And she has a Superman fetus in her userinfo, so she must be awesome!
And um... Big Hello to already-on-my-friends-list-but-now-has-another-name-and-is-still-awesome- Pejo! *deep breath* Wow, that one was a loong intro.
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[25 Feb 2004|03:45pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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music |
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Jack White- Wayfaring Stranger |
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*sigh* Yup, still alive. Real life is a bitch, yadda yadda. What else is new?
But in other news, while checking my yahoo mail I saw an advertisement that scared the crap out of me. 
Now he is just not the scariest guy ever?! Part EVILFiddlerEthan (from Queer as Folk for all my non-QAF friends) and part anything-scary-that-you've-ever-dreamed about. I mean, his eyes are glowing red!
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[05 Feb 2004|09:08pm] |
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mood |
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 jubilant |
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*looks around at my livejournal*
Hmm, long time no use. Must go back to resolution to pay more attention to online friends. Well, here’s a brief update on my life.
1. Still ridiculously happy with Kevin. He’s his normal self! No more shy Kevin. Hooray. I’m all tied town and beyond happy with him. It’s exciting yet also terrifying at the same time.
2. I wish I had more money. I made a wish list of just random stuff I want. Two of my favorite bands have tickets going on sale within the next two weeks. Add that onto the fact amazon.com has just too much stuff I want. I have a gift certificate that I haven’t used up yet, and it’s not getting me that far. You start off wanting one thing and that eventually leads to wanting ten things.
3. Debating whether or not to stop myself from looking at anymore spoilers for season 4 of Queer as Folk. I mean, I have most of the dialogue from the first two episodes. Well, the parts that actually matter (being Brian/Justin) and some info from 409. Wondering if I should stop. It’d be nice if I could restrain myself but that’s not going to happen.
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[20 Jan 2004|09:54pm] |
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mood |
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 rushed |
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Heard about this over the radio this morning and had to investigate: State of the Union Drinking Game. It's a tad late for anyone that actually wanted to play. But after ten minutes or so I had to quit out of fear of alcohol poisoning. And I'm actually not kidding. When the thing is finally over I'd be dead. But power to you if you can actually handle it!
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[17 Jan 2004|11:04pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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He’s fine when he’s with friends and me. Little more shy when it’s just the two of us. Okay, I’ll be able to handle that. For a while. Hopefully get him to overcome that fairly soon. Why am I talking about this? Well, because after dinner and a movie I’m already home. So I’ve come up with two reasons that I’m hoping are the cause of me getting home at 11.
1) Absolutely nothing to do in this town.
2) The shyness issue.
I've completely forgotten, until now, how much work men are.
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